Neon Doves

Whole Foods or Bust

HayleyComment
I hate the grocery store. It takes me what feels like a billion hours because I can never remember where anything is. Plus it's absolutely freezing in there so I scamper around with my hands wrapped around my body like a weird little gremlin creature and end up going up and down the same aisles looking for something dumb like soy sauce. Which by the way is in the Asian aisle, in case you're wondering. I guess that makes sense... duh.

Real talk though, I effing love Whole Foods. They're like the iPhone of grocery stores. Such loyal customers. How do they do that to you? Not only are their already made foods the jam, but you just feel like you're losing weight and staying healthy simply by entering their store. It's got that sweet sweet aura of purity in there. A purity that never dies, no matter what you buy there. Crave a Mountain Dew? You should just go buy it at Whole Foods because they definitely do something super special to all of their sodas before they enter any Whole Foods store. I mean I'm sure they only use real sugarcane from some magical fields that farm the best sugarcane you've ever fucking heard of. They probably have personal sugar cane assistants that sprinkle them with fairy water at all the appropriate times. Sugar fairies. I mean, right?

When I leave Whole Foods I just feel like I'm living life the right way. I feel so cleansed, like a little baby angel. I'm treating my body the way it needs to be treated! I AM A GOOD PERSON IF I SHOP AT WHOLE FOODS. I even have my super simple Whole Foods worthy fit, which obviously includes the rockage of thy birkenstocks. Peep that ish:




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