Neon Doves

M

HayleyComment
I met a love on my recent European travels. The moment I saw his face I wanted to be near him, and when we spoke, we connected right away. It was awesome and fun and beautiful. The only bummer? He lived in England. What's so crazy in today's day is that you can continue to build a relationship over a computer. There's FaceTime, Skype, iMessage, Gchat--it's nuts. Truly connecting with someone is special, whether it be in a way that may blossom into love, or a lifelong friendship, it’s always a fun ride.

The past few months I’ve been so happy. I’ve been on a high. Today’s technology allowed constant communication with this person that I felt lucky to have met. We were addicted and obsessed and it was rad. I booked a ticket back to England to go see my new love. I mean this may be my person, you know? The one that was worth the wait. The distance was stressing me out, though. What if we are in love? What were we going to do? What would I tell my family and friends? Would I move to England? Would he move to America? Would it be hard to dance at our wedding since he is well over a foot taller than me?

Those were my thoughts and questions on the days before finding out that this beautiful soul abruptly passed away. They're thoughts and questions that seem so easily resolved and insignificant from the thoughts and questions I'm having today. When I look around I don’t even feel like I’m really here. I can't find my breath and I want to be able to breathe. I can feel that my gut hurts and recognize that I'm sad so I look to my phone to talk to M, and then I remember he's not here and that's why everything’s so blurry. Only knowing him for a few months and feeling this pain, I can’t even imagine how his loved ones feel. How his best friends feel. How his sisters feel. Are they drowning like I feel like I am? Drowning in this video game of life that doesn’t seem like reality when his heart is no longer beating.

What I'm not looking for in this post is your sympathy, but it feels right to share this person who I grew so close with to my friends, my family, and my readers. Maybe it's part of the “process” that everyone keeps talking about. Therapeutic, perhaps.

This post is dark, I know. But it also reminds me to remember the light of which is life. I started this blog for one purpose, which was to follow my passions in life, because we only have one to live and we need to live it to the fullest. You never know what tomorrow might bring.

M, I will always wonder what could have been. You will forever be a part of me and I will never forget our little world. I miss you. In the infamous words that took you silly English boy days to decode… Peep that ish:

Photography by Tyler Lucas